My name is Jess, and I am a single mum of three boys. I haven't been able to work for many years due to my sons' additional needs. I began my career as an accounts clerk at the age of 16. Wow, that seems like a lifetime ago (eeek). I've attempted to work a few times, even tried to start my own business. I've been a waitress, a carer, worked in a laundrette and a convenience shop. I've also been a mobile nail technician, braided hair, nearly completed a personal training course, and most recently, started a business growing microgreens. None of which I stuck to or finished, but right now, I'm creating a website.

I was born in Sheffield and moved out of the city into Derbyshire in December 2023. I am very creative and love to learn (where it can become quite obsessive). I'm passionate about how society has become so chaotic and broken; it's like a hoarder's house needing organizing but not knowing where to start.

In primary school, I was a model student, receiving the pupil of the week award most weeks. Secondary school brought a change; teachers mentioned how smart I was and how much better I would do if I just paid attention. I became friends with the popular kids and began to rebel. I remember being fixated on boys and worrying about having enough money to put two for a pack of 10 Richmond Superkings. Yearning for the weekend, when we would get some random person to go into the shops for us so I could spend my £5 on 10 fags, a bottle of vodka, and a small bottle of coke. I'd pour just enough coke out so I could top it up with vodka, then down the lot in one go. I'd get into a state nearly every time, to the point where my friends on one occasion hid me in a bush until they could come back for me later. The fixation on boys didn't help either; being drunk led me to get up to no good with a number of different boys.

My greatest achievement, in my opinion, is being able to have children, love them unconditionally, and never giving up on them. I've had severe depression and extreme anxiety for many years. Bringing up children is the most difficult thing anyone can do, never mind doing it while suffering from mental health issues. My kids have three different dads, and each dad has had three versions of mental health issues. My first two partners were abusive, and my third had addiction issues, severe enough that he took his own life when my youngest was 1 year old. I have survived domestic abuse, family courts, social services, failures from doctors, neglect from police, total isolation from so-called friends, depression, anxiety, and much more. So much has happened, but I'm grateful, for it has made me who I am today.

All my life, I have gone through phases of interests, getting really good at things but never mastering them. I would hyperfocus, get really far, then get bored and crave the excitement of something new. One of those interests is manifesting. I was extremely unhappy with where I lived, a huge block of flats full of people with their own mental health problems. Rage, swearing, addictions, and crazy kids were the norm there. I needed to get away. That home was the place where my kids became even more difficult. I thought I didn't have a prayer of helping my second son while ever I stayed there. I began manifesting a new home by applying to a different council. I had no luck for the next two years, until things got a whole lot worse. My friend separated from her abusive partner, and because she fled her home, he couldn't find her, so took his abuse out on me. This also exacerbated my son's behavior, so I was either calling the police for assistance with my son or calling them because my car was damaged, or I had threats that my house was to be burnt down. Around twice per week, I was ringing either 999 or 101, and this went on for months. I became so ill that I admitted myself to the hospital for a mental health assessment. I was envisioning running around my house with a knife and hoping to accidentally fall onto it. On a plus note, this granted me emergency temporary accommodation through Derbyshire Council. They say with manifesting, you don't know what the journey will entail or how you will get there, but you must never ever give up. Now I'm living in a brand new home in a small village out in the countryside, where I only dreamed I would be two years ago.

Manifestation led me to my next phase of interest: numerology. During the year 2023, my personal year was the number 6. This number is all about family and the home, signifying that's what I'm supposed to focus on improving during that particular year. I find it amazing that by December 2023, I got my forever home with a door number 6.

Things have settled quite a lot since being here, but are a far cry from perfect. I practically let my son do whatever he wants, just so I don't disturb the peace. It's a bit difficult because there aren't any places for him in any special schools, a problem nationwide. My youngest is in his school, and with my second being up all night, I find myself wondering what to do with myself during the day. My friend decided to start her own business, which got me thinking. I'm all settled now, I've got the dream home; what on earth am I doing with my life? I decided to go back to numerology. My personal year for 2024 is now the number 7. This number is about self-reflection and planning. So, I began googling self-reflection books, where I came across 'Scattered Minds' by Gabor Maté.

It took me around a week to read this book, and my mind was blown. I understood that no one is really ever to blame when you look at the bigger picture of things, but I still cried nearly every day, feeling guilty about my actions that came from having very little self-control. I felt like I needed to tell everyone about this book. It's like a skeleton key to every problem we face within relationships, schools, parliament, everything. One big slap in the face, painful but definitely wakes you up.

Currently, I am dedicated to focusing on having a good relationship with my kids. My aim is to build on that first and put our relationship above anything else. A good relationship to me is what you have with your best friend. What I class as a best friend is someone always there for you, a listening ear, they provide you with comfort when you're down, don't judge or try to control you, and build your self-esteem by saying kind things, not mean ones, even if it is just a joke. Imagine a stranger trying to tell you what you should be doing or what you're doing wrong; I know I would tell them where to shove it. That's because they have no relationship with you. So, it made sense that my kids won't listen to a word I'm saying if I have no relationship with them. I began trying to be my kids' best friend. It's tiring, to say the least, but the rewards of it have proven so far immense. In one week, my son has gone from absolutely hating me, not listening to a word I say, initially responding to me saying 'I love you' with 'I hate you,' to telling me he loves me too. It's going to be a long journey, and I've got a lot of work to do on myself, but I know it's going to be worth it in the long run.

With that said, shall we head over to my blog and work through it together?

Thank you for taking the time to read my bio, and I hope you can find useful information and, more importantly, begin your own healing process.