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How do we heal ourselves?
Action without understanding will always result in conflict...
If we can't stay calm, accept responsibility, show understanding and empathy, how can we expect our kids too?
The first part of 'The Dialectical Behaviour Therapy Skills Workbook' teaches an acronym 'REST.' I decided to make my own called 'STOP.' This is the first thing to learn to remember during times when you're feeling overwhelmed. 'STOP' stands for STOP, Think, Options, and Proceed.
1. Stop.
When you feel any negative feelings, try to remember to stop. Take a deep breath, or take yourself away from whatever is causing you to feel overwhelmed.
2. Think.
Really think about why you're feeling the way you are. Is it the immediate problem, or is there something else? Did you have enough sleep? Are you hungry? Are you still annoyed about something earlier that day, week, or even month? Don't worry if you don't know; just stop for a second and think about it.
3. Options.
Usually, we react to things without even thinking, going about our business mindlessly. After you have stopped and thought about your feelings, you can think a bit better about how to deal with whatever problem you have. Think about your options. What can you do to distract yourself? What do you enjoy? What questions could you ask if it's about other people? Do you just need a 5-minute breather?
4. Proceed.
When you stop and think about your options, your next move will probably be a better choice than your instant reaction would have been. So now it's safer to Proceed...
I can only lead a horse to water, I can't make it drink it...
In an ideal world we would all have access to a professional therapist, however it's not currently possible. Either it's too expensive or the NHS doesn't have the capacity. The latter was the problem for me, which is why I bought my own workbook. Whatever you decide, it will only work if you truly want it too.
Thanks again for reading, let's move onto how it's all connected by clicking the link below...
Ever noticed how therapists are portrayed as crazy?
I was watching 'Angry Birds' the other day with my youngest. I noticed how every kids film or programme that has had a therapist in it seems to be portrayed as cuckoo. It made me think about when I looked into how to become a therapist; it takes a good 10 years to become one. That's probably why it's hard to get access to them; there's not enough. Why is it so hard to get the help that, in my opinion, 90% of us actually need? I wonder if it has anything to do with the fact that if everyone had therapy and learned how to cope, the pharmaceutical companies would lose billions in profit from God knows how many different types of medication? Who actually owns those companies? What else do they own? 'Hmmmm, I wonder?'
Scattered Minds' by Gabor Maté. An absolute eye opener and must read for a deep understanding of the mind...
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